Kejap je rasa and now semester is coming to the end. I have only one portfolio left to be submitted next week. The rest have been settled. Alhamdulillah. But now I’m getting worried about my practicum. Well, July is approaching although it’s a long 3 months way to go. But you will never realize time is passing when you are anticipating something. It’s not that I’m not ready to teach, but I’m not
confident to teach Mathematics. Yes, I have the experiences before but I think those were not enough.

Throughout this semester, I learnt a lot about Mathematics, things that a Mathematics teacher should know and blimey I didn’t know all that before, huh…call myself a Mathematics teacher. Yeah, although this is my second method, still I’m going to teach Maths if I am being asked to later on. But for practicum, I will be observed by my lecturer. OMG what should I do? Seriously I’m not good with numbers. Leaving school for 5 years has really made me a dumbo in this. And you guys know what; I think I really did badly for my microteaching for Teaching Primary Maths class. I’m not happy with my presentation this time around. I agree that I was nervous at that time that I forgot all the methods+clasroom management+response elicitation that I should integrate into my teaching at that time. I was too focusing on what I was going to teach that I neglected all these elements. Sume mende2 yg aku baca terbang because I got so tensed up, facing the fact that I was going to teach Maths.

Argghhh…what should I do? And I think my lecturer was being quite lenient so as to reward me such marks despite of the big mistakes I made. I think I deserve less than that. Hmm..i guess my two months holiday should be used meaningfully in lowering my affective filter and regaining my confidence in teaching Maths as well as adding knowledge of what a Mathematics teacher should know that I’m zero at…hehe..Hope God will help me.

Huh…at last. I managed to make my way here…been quite busy lately. But Alhamdulillah. Everything has been moving so well for me as far as I know (I mean regarding my academic commitment..hehe..). Macro teaching dah habis.The nerve wrecking ethics pun dah habis. Language games presentation pun dh habis..The only ones left are my Maths’ courses’ assignments. Hope I can finish them on time.

So, want to ask those who are keen to make a visit on this page, have u ever heard of Civic education? for my cohortmates i know u all know. Hehe…Actually, i know a little about it..Not much.I only know that our education has started to implement this subject in primary schools some two years ago. It is aimed at teaching values to children. So back to my real question: should it be implemented in universities as well? My personal opinion, it is a so positive YES!!! It should be implemented in universities as well. I don’t know. It’s just that sometimes I feel, the more people learn, the more amoral they are.Tapi bukan semua oranglah. Well, maybe those people feel they have something to be proud of that they react less sensitively towards others. It has only been like 9 months since I’ve started studying in U but I have encountered so ample examples to support my stance. Tak payah pergi jauh2 or other facs. Just look around my fac cukup lah..Not condemning my own ‘people’ but sometimes i feel they dun have the values as teachers..Let me give one example..me and my roommates came to class on Friday for our ESL. So, after lunch we went straight to our fac’s surau to have our prayer before we entered class. SO, the three of us queued up to take our ablution. At that time, there were two girls taking their air sembahyang. Being so unconcerned about us who were standing, waiting for them for almost 5 minutes, diorang boleh bersembang2 opening up their grandmother story sambil ambik air sembahyang..sembang2 sekejap tkpe lagi..ni  siap bergelak2 sakan..dah lah dalam surau..Friday some more..can’t they just leave their duniawi business for a while?Can’t they show some respect in God’s home? I know me myself is not so pious but at least I know how to respect some things that should be respected…Hish boleh pulak after that they realised and said “Ek eh..kite ni bleh bersembang pulak!Hihihi!!!” Didn’t you feel like smacking them? People were looking you know. I just don’t know where did they put their faces.

Then the most critical time was when we want to have our Zuhur prayer every Monday and Tuesday. There will be like a massive jam in the surau. And we (me and my Maths clan) don’t have a choice other than going through the jam as we have only 15 minutes before the next class (on mercy of Dr.Syarifah). But I just couldn’t understand these future teachers. They see that the surau is so full of people, yet they just make their ‘don’t know faces’ and lepak2 in the surau..Instead of giving little space to people who want to pray..they put their bags, duduk2 and chit chatting with friends.Hello!tk bleh pegi tempat lain ke kot yer pun nk bersembang?!!Kafe sikit punye besar!So can you imagine how value-lacking they are? They should be more considerate and sensitive towards their surroundings.

Bukan nye cikt2 orang yg buat mcmni..Ramai..and some who did those things are more ‘pious’ than us..You know what i mean..Kurang2 nye my cohortmates even they are sometimes English oriented people, at least they are being so considerate and tolerant to other people. Hmm..i tink now..’hejab’ is not a measure to one’s behahiour anymore.

Now, a story when we board on to the bus pulak. Sometimes, UM bus every morning is so packed. So, there must be some people that do not get to sit. Hence, they will be like terhuyung hayang when the bus moves or stops. Kalu terpijak
kaki kite ker,terlanggar ker or even terjatuh atas kite, not even a word of sorry would come out of their mouths. Don’t ever dream of getting one..Is it too much a wish? What’s wrong with saying sorry? At least if they nodded their head to us also we understand. Ni macam biasalah..’muke don’t know’ tu would always be there. As far as I know, my friends agree with what I’m saying here. I don’t know about the rest. Sorry if my words here are too harsh or too being prejudiced or being too over generalizing. Does the same thing happen elsewhere? I really hope not.

Conversely,  Alhamdulillah i still think not everyone is like that…there are some who are so rich with smiles, that at least could make other people’s day. Here I’m just portraying those who don’t have the thing I’m issuing here..SO, I still believe civic education should be implemented in universities as well…till then…

okey..just to release everyone else’s tension, i’ve just uploaded a poem that i created for my lesson plan down here (it’s meant for year 5 pupils) Just feel like sharing it…enjoy it ok! Opps…to my Chinese cohortmates, if u happen to read this post, Hepi Chinese New year to all of u!

It’s a new year again!

I woke up late,

It was half past eight,

I saw all things were in red,

“What is happening?” to myself I said,

I hurriedly got out of bed.

I rushed for my mum in the kitchen,

With her new red cheongsam,

She was steaming the chicken.

So, I grabbed her arm,

And asked what happened,

She just pretended she didn’t hear,

So, I walked away from her.

I went to the living hall,

There were oranges, big and small,

In front of the altar, I saw my granny,

Red packets in her hand, she smiled at me.

Suddenly I heard firecrackers,

It came from outside of my house,

Who were those troublemakers?

I ran out like a bullet train,

Only then I realized,

It’s a new year again!

Last Saturday, I managed to attend the Seminar Pendidikan 2007 held in my faculty despite of the restless days I had over the week. This seminar was aimed at discussing the ‘Pelan Induk Pembangunan Pendidikan’. Actually what fascinated me to attend this seminar with dark circles around my both eyes was that Professor Ungku Aziz was expected to come over as one of the speakers. Unfortunately, upon some professional reasons, he could not attend. But still, my presence to this seminar was not at all a waste. In fact, it gave me a clear understanding of this ‘pelan’ that I didn’t know its existence before..Hehe…

Came as the fourth speaker of the day was the president of  HELP  University College, Dr Paul Chan. He was also an ex-lecturer of UM. Honestly, I started to get bored listening but suddenly, I was attracted to listen further when he began to tell us his schooling experience when he was a child. I was fond of one of his statements in describing his teachers. He told us that “They are not the best teachers, but they are passionate people.”

When I heard of this statement, my mind automatically reflected the scenario happened in Malaysia now. It’s true; most teachers nowadays do not have the passion to teach. Teaching profession is regarded as a last resort when they couldn’t find any suitable jobs, not to forget, some agreed to settle down for teacher-training course because of external pressure, not because of their willingness to become educators. My dear teacher-trainee friends, is this true? I really hope being in this course for 5 years have made all of you change your minds. I still remember during our orientation week in MPIK 5 years ago. When one of the facilitators asked who were forced by parents to enter this college. I think there were almost 65% of us raising up their hands.

I just can’t understand, until now. Why is teaching profession regarded as a last resort? Should teaching be put as a last choice? Is it too bad? Why can’t people in Malaysia think highly of teachers? Is teaching children a so terrible work? I don’t know… I’m not a teacher yet. But I have a little experience of being a teacher. It’ true, teaching is not an easy job. Teaching is a job which requires a full commitment

but rewarded a low salary. Maybe that’s the reason why teaching nowadays is considered as a last resort. Yeah…Compared to Singapore, it’s their culture that teachers should be highly regarded that makes teaching one of the most highly paid job (teachers in Singapore would at least be paid SD4000 a month! Can you believe it?).

And for some teachers who have been working in this field for years, I think they have lost their passion too. They just teach in order to fulfill the requirement of the job. They don’t take teaching as their responsibilities anymore. Whether the children understand or not what she/he taught doesn’t become a matter to them anymore. I hope I’m not too ‘teruk’ for saying this. To compare with teachers in the olden days, it’s definitely true; they are more passionate than teachers we have nowadays. They may not be so brilliant people but they have all the willingness to educate their people to become ‘orang’ one day.

Maybe I’m not the right person to say all these. I’m just a small future teacher with a big hope to become a passionate teacher. But do you believe a manager will die as an ordinary person but a teacher will die as a teacher?  Till then…

Salams…I’m back here again…Wow, it’s been so long since the last time I made a visit to my own blog…Well..guess all the assignments and tasks have robbed the rightful space of this blog from my life..hehe..actually i was intending to share with all, my new experience of this year’s hari raya haji..but guess it’s never been too late for that right? But sorry if my story this time is a bit ‘basi’ for you…just trying to find an ample spare time for this and now only i managed to find one.

Well, this year’s hari raya haji was quite meaningful to me. This was because that was the first time i was called to join my parents to witness the Qurban in a mosque near my house. Actually my mum and big sis were performing their Qurban this year and that’ the reason I was there. To see my mum and sis’s cow got ‘executed’..hehe..

SO, it’s quite a scary moment to see the cows being sacrificed. The sound of the cows, the smell, even the facial expression of the cows, so ‘giving up’, i could still remember until now…and to see them dying hard but slow, reminded me that one day, I’m going to experience this too…it’s only the matter of how hard or how easy God will make me die, would be the difference. The feeling of sad and gloomy slowly pervaded into my soul.

But still, I was happy on that day. Despite of hearing Malaysian youths have gone astray added with those facing social and moral problems, today I could see the different side of it.  I was quite surprised yet proud to see many young men being the back bone for this upacara Qurban. Most of them who were helping out were in their 20s I guess. They were so busy helping the elders, right from holding tight the cows, to melapah, to even dividing the meat. They were so full of energy and spirit. At least now i know, there are Malaysian youths who still possess good values..cayalah orang Pasir Gudang..hehe..

As i don’t have an mmc reader with me now, i can’t share with all of you some pictures that I managed to capture during this event. Later perhaps…c u again…

Today was a chaotic day of all this week. We got class just now early in the morning. My housemates n I woke up late that we hadn’t got time for breakfast. Thanked God we arrived in time. Yeah, we didn’t want to be labelled an ‘amoral’ teacher, considering this was ‘Teaching Ethics’ class we were attending.

Then, we had gap for the next class until 5.00 pm. So, we got back home n relax n do some housechores. Then, at 4.30p.m. we started our way back to UM. Whilst waiting for the bus, we received a news that the hall supposedly used for this particular kuliah was under renovation n there were only three of my cohortmates there. So, we assumed that there were no class. Yeah, it’s a natural thought. Cuti will start tomorrow anyway. So, we walked home…

Then, in the midst of doing my laundry, one of our cohortmates called, saying the class was on. So, like flash, we dressed up and caught a taxi. And when we nearly reached the fac where we were supposed to have the class, we got a call again that class had already finished! It’s only 5.30 p.m.! Class was supposed to finish at 7.00p.m! Geramnyer! Well I think it’s usual for the first week of semester to experience such thing. Moreover this subject was not our faculty subject n that’s the only reason that I can think of to answer the commotion we had just now.

Today is the first day of my new semester. I could see that everyone was so full of energy and prepared to learn…or maybe half prepared considering the holiday mood we are in now.

The first class was called ‘TEACHING ETHICS’. Well, it went ok because the pro-forma also hasn’t siap. So, we just briefly discussed what values should a teacher has. So, many words came out of our mouths…responsible, hardworking, punctual, able to sacrifice..bla…bla…Well I think my friends can make good teachers..haha…

After this class had ended, we got to know that one of our three-hour-classess for that day had been cancelled. So, Aisyah came up with a plan: Jalan2 kat Mid Valley. So, the nine of us went. But we just didn’t walk plainly there. We went to play bowling! As this trip was considered a sudden plan, I played bowling too but with my baju kurung…hehe…I was breaking my own record. For the first time I played bowling with my traditional costume. Well, I didn’t mind playing considering it was 10.50 a.m. that there were not so many people at the bowling place. If not, I dah tarik diri awal2..hehe.. But the game just now was a bit off. Yeah, I haven’t played for too long.That’s why I felt so unusual just now. But my baju kurung didn’t bar me at all from getting a spare and a strike..hehe..

Then we got back to UM. And Maths class began at 2. Well, for my first impression, I think our Maths lecturer is ok. In fact, he likes to share with us so many things that he stopped talking only at 5.p.m. sharp. But that was ok rather than having a boring lecturer. Plus I think at this moment for the first time in my fac, I have found a lecturer which is almost similar to our lecturers in maktab. He didn’t cover his feeling of enthusiasm of teaching primary kids even though he never got the chance to. He even asked us to call him by the title ‘cikgu’. i thought lecturers in UM are very particular about their ‘DR’ or ‘PROF’. But this one is a bit different. But he really put good words that we are so lucky to get the opportunity to teach in primary school. Argghh! How I miss college and Miss Amyzar!

Last Sunday, I got the opportunity to watch the film ‘Cinta’ that everyone has been talking about. Well, looks like newspapers and televisions have really done their jobs very well in persuading me to take an early trip to TGV to watch its first show of the day.

After watching, I think one part that really gave an impact upon me was when Rashidi Ishak left a note to his wife, saying that ‘Love means letting go”. (Earlier Rita Rudaini had told her husband that she loves someone else)

The poem that all of you will about to read has been inspired by this part of the movie. Okey, don’t think I am a ‘jiwang’ or ‘flowery person’. It’s just that, seeing this particular part of the movie reminded me of a good friend of mine. So, here I would like to dedicate this poem to her, hoping that if she happens to read this, more or less, this poem can help her pursue a new hope and life that she has been searching for, for a very long time.

DOES LOVE MEAN LETTING GO?

WHEN WE LOVE SOMEONE,

WE WOULDN’T BEAR TO LET HIM GO,

WE WOULDN’T BEAR TO LET HIM BE FAR FROM OUR SIGHT,

BUT STILL,

WHY DO SOME PEOPLE SAY,

LOVE MEANS LETTING GO?

IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE,

WOULD YOU DO WHAT EVER HE ASKS YOU TO DO?

INCLUDING LETTING HIM GO?

GO TO SOMEONE ELSE?

SOMEONE THAT HE FAVORS MORE?

AT LEAST MORE THAN HE FAVOURS YOU?

IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE,

AND THAT SOMEONE LOVES SOMEONE ELSE,

BUT YOU STILL LOVE HIM,

SO SO SO MUCH,

WOULD YOU LET HIM GO?

IF ‘GO’ WOULD MAKE HIM FEEL HAPPY,

EVEN IF YOU’RE THE ONE WHO WILL FEEL UNHAPPY?

IF YOU LOVE A MEMORY,

A MEMORY OF ONCE UPON A TIME,

AND IT RESTRICTS YOU FROM GETTING A NEW LIFE,

WOULD YOU LET THE MEMORY GO?

EVEN IT IS THE ONE THAT MAKES YOUR HEART WORK?

BACK THEN TILL NOW?

I GUESS,

WHEN I LOVE HIM,

BUT HE DOESN’T REALIZE,

OR HE PRETENDED THAT HE DOESN’T REALIZE,

BY RIGHT, I SHOULD LET HIM GO,

LET HIM GO OUT OF MY MIND,

LET HIS MEMORY GO OUT OF MIND,

BECAUSE OF THE LOVE I HAVE FOR HIM,

MAKES ME THINK AGAIN,

THAT IF I LIKE HIM SO MUCH,

I SHOULD LET HIM GO.

IF THIS COULD GIVE HAPPINESS TO HIM

THEN MAYBE I SHOULD.

I SHOULD LET HIM GO.

Last Saturday, I had an enjoyable evening with my friends. We went ‘lepak’ at DangaBay, one of the hottest spots to have a relaxing mind in JB. There were only four of us going. Actually, five. But as Waheda had something to attend to, left the four of us.
         

It has been so long since the last time we hanged around like this. We went walking along the bay. Then, we made a visit to Rumah Limas. Actually, Rumah Limas is a place where types of houses in every part of Johor are made available. So names like Rumah Muar, Rumah Johor Bahru, Rumah Kota Tinggi can be found here. They are not miniatures. But they are built as real houses. But it’s good to know something new. Yeah, before this I assumed every wooden house is just the same. I can only distinguish Malacca’s house, as it is initiated by its ‘tangga batu’. But now, I know a bit lah how to differentiate Johor’s houses from one another.Hehe..

Then we went to the Festive Street Mall in the DangaBay itself. And when Syereen and I started to make a visit to every shoe outlet available there, I could see the catnap faces of Najib and Nan. Pity them..haha..but they have a girlfriend of their own. They know girl’s interest, which made us ignore their existence by making a trip from one kedai kasut to another..haha..i hope they won’t get deterred for hanging around with us. But yeah, at least we bought a pair!

Then, after Maghrib, we went to Singgah Selalu Restaurant. Thanks to Najib for giving us a treat! Seriously, at this point I started to feel so lucky being the only one in the clan who is still studying..haha! Then we went back home…Yeah..i was feeling so tired after I got back home but the feeling of satisfaction and pleasure had indeed suppressed that  feeling.

             I was so tired today. I woke up at 8.30 a.m. today, which is considered early throughout this holiday. I brushed my teeth and I washed my face. Then, after taking a cup of Nescafe, I went straight to my neighbor’s house.

Actually, my neighbor operates a room rental service. As she lives in Pontian now, she entrusts her house to my mother to look over. In order to ‘ambil hati’ my mum who has been cooking whatever I want to eat during this holiday, I had promised to help her paint a room of my neighbour’s house. This was because a new tenant would come in. And we need to paint the room to make it look better. Well, this particular room had been unoccupied for too long and the last time my neighbor painted it was about 5 years ago.

Truly said, I was so dead beat. Well, painting is not my area of specialization. And so does my mother. But at least she can paint better than me.

We swept the room and cleaned all the dust. Then only we started to paint the room. My mother said, it would take only two hours to paint the room, but we ended up almost four hours there! Luckily, my father came to help us with the last coating of the painting. I just could not imagine what time our work would finish if my father didn’t come to the rescue.

As a result, my body, face and hairs were coated with drops of paint. Well, this could possibly happen to an unskilled worker like me..hehe.. 5th of December 2006